Dear Everybody,

Now that I am gone, I want you to know that I worked everyday to make myself as happy as I could be.  I pursued my interests.  I was curious.  I read about things.  I turned some of my natural inclinations into my livelihood and it wasn’t the worst job I could have had.  That’s something.

I want you to know that I’m proud of my family.  I’m proud of the family I came from and I’m proud of the family I have created.  I know that I contributed something simply by being there and maybe that’s the greatest contribution anyone can make — to be there.

I wish I’d had the courage to take a few more risks.  Wish I could have loved myself enough to “toot my own horn” a little bit more.  Wish I could have been brave enough to stand up to certain people who seemed clueless or strangely so selfish that they could hardly see anyone around them.  Those nights when I lay in bed worrying about how things were going to turn out, I wish I could have just trusted myself more.  Wish I could have trusted the universe more.

All in all, I’d say I was good person.  I always took a moment, if I had a moment, to check in with myself to see what my instincts were telling me about what was the right thing to say or do.  When I didn’t have a moment, I went with my gut.  Most of the time, my gut was right.  I knew always to think of the other person and to act with empathy.  I’m not sure how I knew that.

So, I guess I’m gone now.  My time on Earth is over.  I feel so lucky that I got to be here — even though it seems it could never be for too long.  I wish I could see the way the world is going to change and evolve.  I wish I could see more of what is to come — but that won’t be of my time.  I’ve gotten to live for my own unique span of history and that will have to be enough.  I’m thankful that I was also blessed with such pragmatism.

At the risk of being obvious, all of you know that I loved you.  I guess I didn’t say it very often — but you know I did.

I’ll miss you.

All my love,

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  1. Dear Everybody hear paula read: Dear Everybody 2:19

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