Now that I am gone, I want you to know that I worked everyday to make myself as happy as I could be. I pursued my interests. I was curious. I read about things. I turned some of my natural inclinations into my livelihood and it wasn’t the worst job I could have had. That’s something.
I want you to know that I’m proud of my family. I’m proud of the family I came from and I’m proud of the family I have created. I know that I contributed something simply by being there and maybe that’s the greatest contribution anyone can make — to be there.
I wish I’d had the courage to take a few more risks. Wish I could have loved myself enough to “toot my own horn” a little bit more. Wish I could have been brave enough to stand up to certain people who seemed clueless or strangely so selfish that they could hardly see anyone around them. Those nights when I lay in bed worrying about how things were going to turn out, I wish I could have just trusted myself more. Wish I could have trusted the universe more.
All in all, I’d say I was good person. I always took a moment, if I had a moment, to check in with myself to see what my instincts were telling me about what was the right thing to say or do. When I didn’t have a moment, I went with my gut. Most of the time, my gut was right. I knew always to think of the other person and to act with empathy. I’m not sure how I knew that.
So, I guess I’m gone now. My time on Earth is over. I feel so lucky that I got to be here — even though it seems it could never be for too long. I wish I could see the way the world is going to change and evolve. I wish I could see more of what is to come — but that won’t be of my time. I’ve gotten to live for my own unique span of history and that will have to be enough. I’m thankful that I was also blessed with such pragmatism.
At the risk of being obvious, all of you know that I loved you. I guess I didn’t say it very often — but you know I did.
I’ll miss you.
All my love,
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- Dear Everybody hear paula read: Dear Everybody 2:19