The first and last letter my father ever wrote me, when I was 16 — and my most prized possession.
a letter from Mom
This is a letter my mother wrote to me, when I was 16, which I publish here on Mother’s Day. I do this, with courage and vulnerability — and to honor her.
why say anything?
Why not keep it to myself? Who will read it — or listen? — or hear?
And yet, who doesn’t feel like this?
I identify with the voices who ask these questions. Who will care? What have I even said?
I struggle to put into words that this is an offering.
And yet, I recognize why I write such things down — and even dare to share them. I recognize my “aloneness” in these feelings and, in doing so, I know I’m not alone.
Who feels like this? I do.
Maybe you do too.
safety in abstraction
avoidant — get into the flow of it — keep making work — keep making something — anything — work — feed myself — walk — do it now so that I’ll never have to do it again — until the next time — if I want to — make a mark — as old as humanity — write shit down — it all falls away — even whole books fall away
“you’re alive.”
Sometimes it’s easy to complain about the mundane things, “the dailiness of tasks”, that must be attended to — in the interest of sustaining oneself. When I feel myself falling into that old pattern, I remember my father’s words, from years ago, when I did the same…
I finished speaking my litany of complaints — about all the things I “had to do” — and asked some “question” that I can no longer summon to my memory.
Yet, I vividly remember Dad’s answer, “You’re alive.”
Full stop.
taxes
The greatest price we pay is in time.
listen well —
and let the silence reign.
Listen well — and let the silence rain.
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to simply listen. It may not feel like it does any good. It may feel as though things just go around in circles… but there is some comfort, for the speaker, in being listened to — and even more comfort in them feeling they are heard.
I was given the gift of this quote, years ago, by my father. He had it drawn, in black ink, as a handmade piece of calligraphy. Dad then framed it for me and it has hung, on my wall for years, as a reminder of what Dad must have felt was the best way he could say these things to me.
These words are by the great Canadian novelist Margaret Laurence.
“If this were indeed my Final Hour, these would be my words to you. I would not claim to pass on any secret of life for there is none, or any wisdom except the passionate plea of caring. Try to feel, in your heart’s core, the reality of others. This is the most painful thing in the world, probably, and the most necessary. In times of personal adversity, know that you are not alone. Know that although in the eternal scheme of things you are small, you are also unique and irreplaceable as are all of your fellow humans everywhere in the world. Know that your commitment is above all to life itself.”
I sew one day to the next.
There is no separation really. One day bleeds into night — and even that I live through, in a subterranean dream space, from which I emerge — always grateful to sew more.
time — our scarcest resource
You can’t earn more. You can’t not spend it. You can’t get it back once it’s gone. It goes in one direction.
Things happen once.
the choices we make
day after day — week after week — year after year… I don’t know how to stay my “best self” if I let go of the spine I’ve created for myself here. Really just such a hard thing to navigate.